I've noticed something in myself and others who have been through trauma. There are steps to how it all plays out. First you are a victim. You are traumatized but your too busy hiding your secret to realize it.
The amount of time you hide your secret depends on the person. You find that you stopped being a victim in the obsession to hide your secret. There is a lot of fear, shame and guilt involved in being abused. You aren't really trying to protect an abuser as much as yourself from enduring any other type of trauma. You are convinced telling will be catastrophic.
Eventually the cat is out of the bag. You tell someone. For some they may only tell one person their entire life. For others, (and in my observation, it is the ones that face other forms of oppression or abuse) they tell one person and a small never strikes to life. Then they tell another. They go public, sometimes naming their abuser. They fire grows to a small roar.
As the victimhood and shame are shed this leads to an all out forest fire that compels the traumatized person to go on a campaign. They become fixated on abusive institutions, abusers, victims in an attempt to make the situation have something good come from it.
I focused on child sex trafficking. I had never been trafficked but I wanted to save the kids. Still do. In a way sometimes I think I will save myself.
Sometimes people see the fire all around them and try to contain it. Others see it as coming from their abuser. The thing about the fire is you can be consumed in a fire of your own making. It can take you over and run your life and all you leave is charred remains in your path. You become the walking wounded assessing everything in your path as a threat. The fire is a tool. Use it to get better. Use it to fight for right. Use it help others. Let the fire make you into a warrior.
If you allow the fire to rage out of control you attack institutions and abusers with all your venom, bitterness and hate. Let me say now abusers are evil and have to be stopped. We cannot allow abuse to continue. We also can't fight hate with hate. If we do, we stay a victim to our own fire. Be brave, be bold and take the step from victim to Warrior. It's scary but the freedom from hate is priceless.
I can honestly say I do not hate my abuser. I hate what they did to me. I hate that I have PTSD and anxiety because they made a choice and took my choices away. I do not hate the person. The person was a broken, abused person themselves. I hate abuse. I am warrior against abuse not against people. While evil people commit atrocities we have to remember why we fight. We want to stop abuse not turn perpetrators into victims.
So my warriors, use your fire to fuel your voice. Someone somewhere is counting on you to bring a voice to the voiceless.
